Morrigan's Lodge

Today… I’m going to rant.  If you don’t want to hear it then quit reading.

I am a female.  I hunt.  As a matter of fact, I would say that I LOVE to hunt.  As a hunter, I need hunting clothes.  As a female, I need, specifically, women’s hunting clothes.

I had a good year and through hard work, sheer determination and willpower, I lost a lot of weight.  I went from a size 14 to a size 4.  So when it came time to get out the hunting gear, including clothing, I realized that I would have to buy all new hunting clothes.  I like buying clothes so I was happy with that.  I drove to the nearest Cabela’s because that’s where I found great hunting clothes the last time I shopped.

Cabela’s hunting clothes section is huge!  And I don’t just mean huge.  I mean HUGE!  I made my way through racks and racks and racks of men’s hunting clothes.  Snow jackets, rain jackets, cold, warm and hot jackets.  Big pants, little pants, everything in between pants.  Thick shirts, thin shirts, long, medium and short sleeved shirts.  Clothes for over, clothes for under, clothes for if you’re caught in thunder.  Lightweight clothes, scent control clothes, upland, layering and blaze orange clothes. Clothes for all your hunting needs, whether it’s elk, deer, bear or goats you please.  Forests, marshes, plains or snow, let’s go hunting, men!  Let’s go, go, go!

And after wading through the vastness that is the men’s hunting clothes section, I finally found the women’s hunting clothes.  Both racks.  The first rack had a brand called OutfitHER.  Cute.  This rack had two jackets and two pairs of pants on it.  One jacket and pants looked like they were for snow.  I’m on the coast of Oregon.  It doesn’t snow here.  I have hot flashes and if I were hunting in the North Pole it would still be too hot for me.  Moving on.  The other outfit was a little lighter and for rain.  Oregon coast = rain.  Perfect.  I took a look.

The pockets on this jacket were interesting.  It had 2 outside chest pockets, 2 hand pockets and a sleeve pocket.  Let’s start with the 2 chest pockets.  I’m not sure why you would have pockets there.  I’m not really used to storing things on the outside of my boobs.  Let’s move to the cool little pocket on the forearm of the left sleeve.  Seems nice, but it’s small and again, I’m not sure what you would put there.  Then it had the regular hand pockets.  That’s it.  No inside pockets.  No big square pockets on the outside of the hand pockets for putting hunting stuff you want to carry around with you.

I saw a boys coat an the rack next to me.  I quickly did an inventory of the pockets.  The many, many, many useful and well placed pockets.  Hmmm… why could they not have all of those awesome pockets on the women’s coat?  Oh well.  The selection was limited so I tried on the rain suit.  It looked like crap.  I’m a size 4 and it made me look fat.  That’s hard to do.  Even my husband raised an eyebrow before shaking his head from side to side.

So… on to women’s hunting clothes rack number 2.  Here is the Cabela’s brand hunting pants and shirt.  I already have the shirt.  It’s your basic long-sleeve button-up shirt but it’s shaped for a female and stiff as hell.  Again, I see the little boys rack next to me.  I reach over and feel the boys hunting shirt.  It’s soft.  Very soft.  WTF?  I move on to the Cabela’s hunting pants.  Nice.  Lots and lots of pockets.  I like it.  Wait… Maybe these are supposed to be on the little boys rack next to me and some idiot put them on the women’s rack as a cruel joke.  Nope!  The tell-tale pink tag that legally must accompany all female hunting clothes reassures me that this is, indeed, for women.  I grab the only one close to my size before some other female sees it.  I’m tired and I don’t really want to fight over the only good piece of women’s hunting clothes in Cabela’s.

The pants fit!  They look good.  But, of course, they are too long because I am too short.  That’s okay.  I will have them altered before hunting season.  As I am on my way to the register to pay for my pants, I make one last pass by the women’s hunting clothes thinking that maybe I missed a rack somewhere.  I didn’t.  However, I am in need of a new hunting coat and it occurs to me that maybe… just maybe… that wonderful little boys coat will fit me.  I try on a medium.  It fits!  YES!  I love all the pockets.

Next stop: Dick’s Sporting Goods.  Their hunting clothes section is tiny.  The women’s rack is… well… one rack.  After trying everything on, I buy a Field & Stream women’s rain jacket and pants.  Size: small.  I smile.  I also get the Field & Stream women’s insulated bomber jacket.  It looks good on me.  My husband grins and gives me a thumbs up.  The rain suit is great.  No complaints.  The bomber jacket?  Well… much like the OutfitHER jacket I question why they can’t put more pockets on women’s hunting clothes.  Do the people that make these think that we don’t carry anything when we hunt?  Maybe the man that must be hunting with us is supposed to carry everything for us.  After all, we probably aren’t really hunting anyway.  We’re probably there to just be cute in our little hunting clothes.  And… the inside of all the Field & Stream clothes is red.  Yes, you read that right.  Red.  Because when I am hunting and I get hot and want to sit there with my jacket open, I want the deer to look at me and instead of not seeing me because I am in full camo, blending in with my surroundings, I want the deer to see some NOT camo; some good solid red.  Seriously… did they not think this through????

My final stop for hunting clothes shopping – WalMart.  I’ve been surprised in recent years over the fact that I have had good luck with finding hunting clothes at WalMart.  I bought a pair of Mossy Oak cargo pants that I love.  They have lots of awesome pockets and drawstrings at the bottom of the legs so, even if they are a little bit too long, no problemo!  I also got a long-sleeve camo shirt with a few buttons at the top.  Love it.  I bought one last year and loved it so much I wore it all year.  I think the pants were $19.99 and the shirt was $9.99.  You can’t beat that!

And the very last place I looked for hunting clothes… the internet.  Now here is where I am going to really rant because, frankly, this shit just pisses me off.  When I look for hunting clothes, the last things I want to see are camo bikinis, camo shorts that are so short your ass hangs out the back, cute little lacy camo nightys and lingerie worn by tall sluts and I definitely… and I mean I DEFINITELY have no interest in camo thongs!!!!  I am insulted that when I go to search for camo hunting clothes… TO HUNT IN… I have to wade through crap that was never, ever, ever meant to hunt in.  I can’t believe that many websites actually put this crap in the women’s hunting clothes section.

Is there a company out there that makes REAL women’s hunting clothes for REAL women, designed by WOMEN, FOR HUNTING???  Maybe I should go to kickstarter and raise the funds to start one.  Hmmmm…. definitely something to think about.

Happy Hunting!

– Marci